I'm trying to figure out a new me.

The new me
doesn't have to worry about
those breathless I have a late meeting at work
but it's also parent teacher conferences at school
and then there's basketball practice 
and darn it I forgot to get something out of the freezer
how many nights can I justify
feeding my kids fish sticks
or frozen lasagna
kind of days.

The new me
Doesn't drag home 
a bulging teacher bag 
knowing that the first thing on the agenda 
is 25 algebra problems
with a non-algebraic son 
and supervising/assisting/ok sometimes actually building
the diorama of a museum exhibit of a
famous African American poet
who my seventeen-year-old
could care less about
but the project is due in two days
and it's 80% of the English grade for this semester. 

The new me
doesn't have to keep track of practice schedules
driving in circles between home and gyms and fields 
like one of those little cars on a track
at the amusement park
doesn't have to sell
candy bars, coffee cakes,
or raffle tickets
and doesn't spend hours in gyms 
dodging bouncing balls
and engaging in small talk 
while wishing I could just go sit in a corner
with the book that is calling my name.

The new me
doesn't serve on parent boards 
instead of dating
doesn't plan family vacations 
around basketball tournaments
has time to take a Spanish class
or work out at a rec center
or foster dogs 
for the rescue league. 

I'm trying to figure out this new me.
But it's hard
I m not quite ready
to let go
of the life
that old me
has loved.