My Life....My Goal

I have never intended for these trivial thoughts of mine to be a pulpit for any cause, but the longer I live, and the more I experience, I feel I have a goal to achieve in this short time I am here. I also never intended for this to be a place that would single out one issue, but more and more, it appears that is what is on my mind, and that is what my goal is. The more I read in the media and hear from people, I feel compelled to make sure that gay individuals learn to live as who they are, and that society realize that gays are not some two-headed freaks, but people with dreams like anyone else. I want gay individuals to be proud of who they are, and society to allow gay individuals to live as who they were created. For I strongly believe it is our society that makes the Jim McGreevey's and Mark Foley's of the world. It is society that makes men and women do things to "hide" their gayness and push to be someone they are not. And in portraying an image of what they are not, instead of embracing who they are, men and women are driven to create an image that covers up the real person, rather than live freely as who they honestly are.

I am a gay man that took many, many years to come to grips with who I really am. I did everything I could to not be gay: play sports; be Mr. Macho; marry and raise a family; get deeper into religion and prepare for the ministry; and pretending to be as straight as they come. This was not a conscious decision on my part, but all the proceeding behaviors would certainly make me straight, and push my gayness out of me. It wasn't until I divorced, being gay not the reason for this, that I finally, after years of hiding from myself, discovered who I really was! It was only then that I came out of the closet; to myself and to everyone around me! And I will never, never, never, go back into that closet no matter what it costs me!

My goal is that every gay person come to grips with who he/she is sooner than I did. Nobody can come out until he/she is ready. And it is nobody else's job to out anyone. But if I can help one person find themselves, I have accomplished my goal. I applaud those gay men and women who, at an early age, realized who they are, but many, like me, continue to try find ways to make themselves straight. And guess what? You're gay because that's how God made you! There is absolutely nothing you can do to make yourself straight! You can try all you want, but fact is, if you're gay, you're gay! Not a damn thing you can do to change that! So, embrace your gayness and be proud of who you are. And society, instead of trying to squish the individual, should begin encouraging kids and adults to be who they were created to be!